Monday, 2 June 2008

UNCERTAINTIES

Today i just finish my 2nd paper: therapy final. And once again Thank God and Praise God for what i get, He always give me more than i expected. This whole week was a tough week as many exams cramp together and i think one thing i lean most is to trust God even though i feel like giving up and lose hope.

Don't know why many uncertainties fill me mind, as I'm about to finish my 5th year, i realized that i have only one more year before i graduate and become a medical intern and then doctor. In a year time I'll really be dealing with life and death. One thing I'm really unsure of is that will i be a good doctor (good in knowledge, practical and attitude). To me, this is like no other job where it deals with non living things, what doctors are dealing is life and death, one can make a mistake and there goes the patient's life, and this is no joke. (it' scary).

No doubt i have deep passion and love for medicine, the more i study the more i like what i study, it's amazing on how human is so different from one another and why are there so many disease, the different way of diagnosing it and treating it etc, it's all so challenging and interesting. But working life is different, u have to put what u learn into real practice, what we're doing affects people's life physically and mentally and there's no room to play a fool.

But no one really seems to understand. Many thinks that i'm smart so i definitely can handle, but i don understand why everybody thinks that i know everything, it really stresses me out. i'm also someone who is learning, i don have all the answers and cure, i'm also human to worry and be anxious (even though i know that God is with me ), so hai...... ( i don even know why i'm saying this).

But one thing i know is that i really need strength and courage to deal with all these uncertainties. But looking at the future, can i see myself as a good doctor, i really don know???

2 comments:

Mike G said...

The fact that you’re sincere about your doubts is commendable.

Some say that as medical students, were are purposely trained for certainty – so that when we hit the wards we can act like we know what we are doing. Others would say that we are trained for uncertainty – so that we can expect difficulties without overt hesitation.

Whatever the case is, you are showing sensible humility.

I like your blog by the way, I’ll make sure to stop by every now and then.

Triny Esther said...

Thank you for your comment and support and i think being sincere with my doubts will give me a teachable heart knowing that i still have much more to learn. and i think as doctors we should be confident but at the same time humble.