WHITE CHRISTMAS

Last Sunday on the 21st December, the my university student association (SMSA) cultural and welfare department organized an event, Christmas Charity Ball, aka White Christmas. Christmas Charity Ball '08 is a charity fundraiser held in Moscow, in aid of Children's Hope International, Russia Program (where we bless these orphans). I was appointed as the Head of Food and beverage department as it was a great experience to be able to serve the children with my whole FNB crew and the usher team who helped out as waiter and waitress to serve those who attend and the children. Here are some pictures:

The hall in Raddison Hotel, Moscow, banquet table style (grand right?)

Giving gift packs and serving the VIPs by VIP ushers

Opening ceremony by ailin (keyboard), alex, chew and kai yan (violin)


Performance by a russian magician (he's quite good actually)

Performance by dance troop

Me and Wee Gee (she help me a lot with the FNB stuff)

The people that help makes this event a success

Adeline and I

Me and the Usher team (all pretty girls)

People who help make the food a success

One of the desserts that i find it pretty

Other desserts and cakes

TUBERCULOSIS CYCLE

For the past 2 weeks, i was having tuberculosis class everyday from 9am to 2pm. For more than 2 weeks, from Monday to Friday 5 hours daily, I'm learning about TB, can't u imagine how much i learn about TB. We learned bout different type of primary, secondary pulmonary TB, Extrapulmonary TB, see bout 10 different Xrays a day, Do MCQ and cases almost everyday.TB as many know is transmitted through respiratory droplets from infected person when they cough, sneeze or even talk. When a healthy person inhaled these infected droplets, the mycobacteria will enter their lungs and multiply. At this stage the person is known to be 'Infected' where the mycobacteria is in the body but is keep under control by our body's immune system. (they are usually not infectious), and according to statistics many of us are supposed to be infected.

Only When our Immune system can't keep the bacili under control and when the bacili begin to multiply rapidly thus tuberculous disease develope when the patients show clonical pictures of chronic cough with or without sputum, positive tuberculin test, positive sputum culture of mycobacteria, and changes of lung X rays pictures. These patients are consider infectious and they can spread this disease to people around them.

But not many know that not everyone who is exposed to an infectious TB patient becomes infected. Why? Probability that TB will be transmitted depends on

1. How contagious is the patient you are exposed to
2. In what kind of environment did the exposure occur
3. How long did the exposure last
   

So, If u really want to know whether are you being infected by Mycobacteria, u can go to any clinics or hospital and do a tuberculin skin test, and being check further by the doctors in the clinic or hospital. But don't worry, this disease is now very treatable especially if you are young with a strong immunity.

One thing I found out was, in Russian, The classification of Tuberculosis according to clinical forms are so different from other countries. It's so much more detail and elaborate compare to most popular text books for medical studies. So much to know and sometimes it's so confusing as they may have the same clinical pictures but different X rays pictures. I wanted to write the types of TB etc on this post but then i found out that if i were to write even a summary, it will still be a long essay, so......hehe better don't write, if not will bored all those that read this.


Anyway, this Friday i'm gonna have my end of cycle exam for this subject, kinda worried in that sense that i hope i don confused certain types of TB as i had mention they are quite confusing. But i'm gonna do my best to prepare well and answer. Even thought this process is not easy but i still Thank God for the opportunity to study this subject so detail and i really learn to read a lot of pulmonary X rays and CT's to differentiate different type of lung diseases based of X rays pictures.

Well i hope those who read this will get a little picture on what TB is all about, and feel free to ask me if there's any question. I may not know all the answer (That's for sure), but i can't give certain explanation which u may want to know bout this disease.

combine cell group meeting in Spartive hotspot

Last Sat, in my Hostel Fellowship (Spartiv Hotspot), We had a combine Cell group meeting people from all 3 cell groups, and some from other hostel came and join us to experience God's presence.

We Started off with a game session conducted by Ailin and Amanda where we need to do group acting to act out the given themes. It was really funny to seen everyone open themselves up to do things they don't normally do.




After that we had a worship session lead by Geng Yan (Worship leader), Chye Li (guitarist) and Joshua (backup singer). God's presence was so strong in that place and we know that it'll be a great and powerful time meeting with God.

Then, Magithra and Thjen Jhong came up and share their testimony on how they had experienced God working in their life and keeping them safe.

Then Came the most important part, God's word where Herman shared about 'EXCELLENCE AS PART OF OUR FATHER'S BUSINESS' where he talk about we being a family and God is our Father and He is also our King and we serving Him.

God's business is to bring people into His family and to build us up to be better people, mature believers who live our lives for Him. And this can be done by being the light where we shine which means to STAND OUT. And as sudent, one of the ways to shine is to excell in our studies. Here are some points that was being shared:

1. Maintain God's standard

a)Cheating is a sin, To score in exam by any means beside studying hard and smart for it is cheating. We study not just for our exam but to have the knowledge on what we are learning and to be good doctors or whatever profession.

b)Titus2:6-8 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

2. Time management and discipline

3. Priorities and distractions

a)We need to know what distratcs us and cut it off (It can be drama, games etc, whatever that distract u from studying).

4. To give our best

a) As believers, we must always give our best.

b) Collosians3: 23-24 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

c) There is no short cut to success, you can never escape hardwork. (Maybe u can escape now, but it'll definitely affect what you do in future.

After the word, we celebrated birthdays of September and October Babies. And i made a mocha cake (Thank God it turn out ok, as baking is really not my area). But the whole meeting was Great and it is really an enjoyable time to fellowship with people from other cell groups and hostel as we really want to built a strong family that do life together.

CHOOSING THE RIGHT PARTNER

As i am having holiday these few days, i was listening to a series of audio sermon Choosing the right partner by Pastor Kong Hee. He was a dynamic speaker and some of his points on not choosing the wrong partner in life really struck me, so i decided to post it:

God does not choose our mate for us, He may have certain people in His mind for us, but ultimately we are the one who make the decision and choose the partner.

A) 8 TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP THAT WON'T WORK

1. You care more about your partner more than he does about you for a very long period of time. (meaning u keep on call him, message him etc but he does not really care to reply u, so that mean one thing he is defnitely not interested in you).
   
2. You are in love with your partner's potential (You only love him for who you dream he may become in the future and not who he is right now).
3. You are in a rescue mission. (Where u always feel that he or she can't live without me, soon enough u'll too tired of being a babysitter).
4. You look up to your partner as a role model (in a way that he or she is the god of your life and where u'll find yourself loosing your identity).
5. You are in love with your partner only for the external reason.
6. You and your partner are really trench or team buddy (short term love spark where u have over a short period of time working together).
   
7. You choose a partner in order to be rebellious.
8. Your partner is unavailable (where he or she is in another relationship or worse married)

B) 8 FATAL FLAWS TO WATCH OUT IN A PARTNER

1. Anger (where he or she just burst on you for no reason or for small reasons)
2. Control freak (i don think you need much of explanation)
3. victim consciousness (where they can blame everybody except themselves for everything bad that is happening in their life).
4. Sexual immorality ( It can either be sexual addiction or lack of sexual integrity).
5. Your partner has not grow up (and you feel like you're going out with a kid than with your partner). (THAT'S AWFUL!!!)
6. Emotional unavailable (where your partner is cold towards you and cannot share his or her feeling with you like a cold icy wall)
7. Those that have not recover from past relationship. (and this really hurts)
8. Emotionally damage from childhood (and that causes them either do not know how to love you or being obsess with being love by you).
   

C) 5 TIME BOMBS THAT MAY DESTROY A RELATIONSHIP

1. Significant age difference where like more than 10 years (man!!! this can easily cause generation gap).
2. Different spiritual conviction (when you are either not of the same faith or u guys just don have things between to click with each other).
3. Different social ethnic and social background (well it can only work out if both partner are really committed to work the relationship out and of course with God's help).
4. Overbearing In-laws.
5. Long distance relationship (especially if there is no trust and commitment).

D) 7 QUALITIES ONE SHOULD LOOK FOR IN A LIFE PARTNER

1. Commitment to personal growth (spiritually and mentally)
2. Emotional openness.
3. Integrity
4. Maturity and responsibility
5. Healthy self esteem
6. Positive attitude towards life
7. personal chemistry (you can find all the above 6 in a person, but it's useless if there's no chemistry there).

Well this may seem kinda complicated but it's actually really real in our life (doesn't matter whether you are single, you're attached or married, it'll still be able to help you to built better relationship with your partner).

Personal note: loving someone or finding the right one and building up the relationship is really not easy, It really takes trust, commitment, patience, and most importantly God's love to make it work.

It's been a week

Well, it's been more than a week since i am back here to Moscow for my final year. This month my cycle is kinda relaxing, so i am still in my holiday mood while settling all my documents (big big hassle). Well my greatest joy coming back here was meeting all my friends whom i miss a lot throughout the holiday especially people from my group, my room and from the Malaysian Fellowship.

It was great to meet with up the spartiv hotspot people last Saturday sharing testimony on the Medan mission trip and hearing testimony about the China mission trip, meeting new believers, worshiping God, listen to Herman talk about the vision ahead and having fellowship with each other. i really miss being around with this FAMILY.

It's gonna be my last year here, i really do not know how will God leads me next time for my future, but one thing I am sure, before i leave i really want to give my best to people around me here to make an impact for God in their lives in whatever ways i could, i may not be able to to do a lot, but one thing i am sure 'I AM AN INSTRUMENT FOR THE LORD ALMIGHTY'. Thus i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. That's why i like this song 'HATI HAMBA' as i really want to have a servant's heart to say :" yes Lord, here I am". Hope u r bless with this song.

KU TAK DAPAT LUPAKAN
(I can't never forget)

KEBAIKAN YANG KU T'RIMA
(The goodness that I've received)

PENGORBANAN-MU YANG MULIA
(Your holy sacrifice)

JADIKAN KU BERHARGA
(Has made me worthy)


KAU TULUS MENERIMA
(You've willingly accepted)

AKU APA ADANYA
(Me just as I am)

KEKUATAN KASIH-MU NYATA
(The power of Your love is real)

MEMULIHKAN HIDUPKU
(It has restored my life)


KAU BUKAN TUHAN YANG MELIHAT RUPA
(You are not a God who looks at appearance)

KAU BUKAN TUHAN YANG MEMANDANG HARTA
(You are not a God who looks at wealth)

HATI HAMBA YANG S'LALU KAU CARI
(A servant's heart is what You are always looking for)

BIAR KAU TEMUKAN DI DALAMKU
(Let it be found in me)


S'LAMA KU HIDUP KU MAU MENYEMBAH-MU
(All the days of my life, I will worship You)

S'BAB ENGKAU SANGAT BERARTI BAGIKU
('Cause You mean so much to me)

YANG TERBAIK YANG ADA PADAKU
(All the best that I have)

KUPERSEMBAHKAN KEPADA-MU
(I will give it to You)

YESUSKU
(My Jesus)

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL

A NEW SONG: KAULAH HARAPAN KU

When i went to Medan Indonesia for mission trip, i had the chance to learn a lot of new bahasa christian songs and the song that i like most and touches me most (also like best by the girls in the team) is this song Kaulah harapanku aka ku pandang wajahMu.

BUKAN DENGAN KEKUATANKU

KU DAPAT JALANI HIDUP INI

TANPA TUHAN YANG DI SAMPINGKU

KU TAK MAMPU SENDIRI

ENGKAULAH KUATKU

YANG MENOPANGKU

KU PANDANG WAJAHMU DAN BERSERU

PERTOLONGANKU DATANG DARIMU

PEGANGLAH TANGANKU JANGAN LEPASKAN

KAULAH HARAPAN DALAM HIDUPKU

This song is really meaningful is the way it express how much we need God in our (my) life, He is the source of my strength to go thru things happening in life. Bad things, problems may come in the way but we just have to look unto Him and call upon Him, He is there to give us the strength as He is the hope of our life. I hope u guys will like this song. if u want to hear this song

http://www.imeem.com/people/I46t95/music/y7Wa6JWR/sari_simorangkir_kaulah_harapan/

hope u guys will enjoy it

LEADERSHIP MEETING WITH CHC KL

2 Days ago on Friday and Saturday, the Malaysian Fellowship crew (mostly leaders) including myself we attended a leadership meeting/ seminar held by City Harvest KL. It was really a great experience to know God better, learn to be God's child 1st and then doctor, to lead cell group, to be a worship leader and most important to built God's kingdom.

what really touches me the most in these 2 days seminar is how to lead a cell group and the qualities needed in a cell group leader, as this session really speaks to me a lot and really get me thinking.

These are the principles i learned of being a good spiritual leader for God

1. biblical profile of a leader

• Good reputation where a leader must not only be good in serving God but also must be a powerful and living testimony in wherever they are be it in school, uni, or workplace (anywhere).
• Full of the Holy spirit. As spiritual leaders we must be dependent on the Holy Spirit to guide and lead us to go the place He want us to go.
• Full of Wisdom. Wisdom is a gift of God, it is actually the knowledge that is properly applied and it is the ability to discern all matter from the spiritual point of view.
• Full of Faith. We must have a visible faith in God to bring people to trust and have confidence in Him. we must fear God and love the truth.

2. Leader must love God and people

• In Mark 12:13 we have to love God passionately and we must love to serve others as love for people can work a lot of things.
• So if we love people, we will wanna see growth and that people are being saved. And that is our Great commission.

3. Freed up lifestyle

• as leaders we must know how o manage our time well, do not because of exam or work or any petty stuff and then wanna cancel cell group or cancel fellowship.
• if we have time to watch series or go online or go mamak etc, we definitely will have time for God. God gives us all 24 hours a day it's whether u use it properly or u waste it.

4. A Great Attitude

• Humility. As Jesus came not to be served but to serve.
• Positive attitude. (even in times of trouble)
• Enthusiasm. Faith makes a leader enthusiastic.
• Willingness. willingness will release your ability to the job, it will gives u tremendous energy, it brings with it strategy for us to overcome things in life, it makes us teachable, and it brings us into the blessing of God.

5. Discipleship

• to disciple people to change the world by teaching and equipping them to go to Jesus, to be with Jesus and to follow Jesus.
• Discipleship take place when our value are challenged as our attitude are being fine tune and our character are develope.
• If we are not discipled, we are not christian.

Well that's the main point to being a cell group leader. This actually teach me a lot. to learn to trust and surrender everything into God's hand. For me it's really hard to surrender completely to Him but i know that God is molding me day by day to be the person He wants me to be. He'll definitely mold and teach us as long as we open our hearts and surrender it all into His hands.

INDONESIA MISSION TRIP

From 1st to 12th of August, myself and a team of 6 other girls went to Medan Indonesia for medical mission team where we not only go there to tell of God's love and His greatness but also to do medical outreach where we examined patient, prescribe medicine and even do injection (hehe), the whole team know nothing about preaching, medical outreach etc we just all go by FAITH, and Thank God all things went well by His grace. well there's too much to talk about the trip and it'll be a long list so i think i'll just show pic.


the mission team which consists of 7 girls

PRAYING FOR THOSE WHO GOT SAVED

CHILDREN CHURCH MINISTRY (AREN'T THEY CUTE)


THIS IS ME GIVING INTRAMUSCULAR INJECTION

THE GUY WITH US IS DOCTOR FEDERICK THE MISSION DOC HELPING US

IN ONE OF THE ADULT CELL GROUP2 OF MY NEW INDONESIAN FRIENDSPASTOR NUAH AND THE TEAM (HE'S A COOL PASTOR)

Well there are more than thousand pictures taken the past 12 days, these are the very few of the pictures taken. the memories i had in the mission is not replaceable.

For me personally, i experience God so real and powerful that i can't think or imagine (actually the whole group felt that way), we are all so inexperience in any of the work but when we let God use us, things actually happen where people got saved physically and spiritually).

I'll learned to give and i realized how bless i am in many ways and i will never trade this experience that i have there with any other things and i know it's too early to say this but i'm going back there next year coz there are more people that needs love and help there.

NEW ROOM FURNITURES

Well it's been long since i wrote anything here, I'm back to Malaysia for almost 2 weeks and I'm currently still enjoying my holidays with family and friends that i had not seen for 'ages'. Well once i came back i went to buy my room furniture (a bigger cupboard, a big table and a book shelve), and yesterday my furniture was delivered to me and now finally i have place to keep all my heavy medical books which i brought back from Moscow, have a table to do stuff etc. Well i wanted to take a photo of my room's new look and post it up but i do not know where my parents keep the camera. But anyway i really do like my room, very warm and cozy. Well I'll be starting my training in the pharmacist soon, well maybe some will ask 'i thought u're suppose to be attached to the hospital'. Well to me i think what i really lack in my medical training is my pharmacology, i do not know why do i have such a big problem with it, so now i choose to overcome this problem by learning the drugs used in Malaysia for different disease in a pharmacist to be a better doctor God wants me to be.

GOING GOME FOR HOLIDAYS

Today is my last day here in Moscow before going back to Malaysia for holidays (goodbye to 5th year) , well i'll be coming back here in September for my final year as a medical student before graduating and be a real doctor.

Thank God also for being with me through my finals, I'm actually kinda happy with my final results this year, really a blessing from God.

And well i actually can't wait to go home, it's been a year since i went back and i really misses my family and friends even though we do keep in contact through MSN. And definitely not forgetting Malaysian food.

Well i think the rest i'll write when i go back, anyway just can't wait to fly back 2molo. hooray!!!

Happy Father's day

Today throughout the world people are celebrating Father's day. Beside my Father in heaven, i would also like to thank my dad for the things he had done in my life. My dad is one whom i respect a lot. Even though he's a man, but he helps out a lot in the house especially with going marketing with my mum and also cooking for my family (before i take over).

He's the one who told me who God is, and has always been my personal mentor with God's word and also with my school work, he teach me practically all the subjects especially mathematic and add maths which i'm really terrible in it.

Even though many times he always scold me for being careless and blur (which i really am) i know he does it for my own good, he wants me to be a responsible doctor and not make careless mistake and harm others (even though i don't think so, coz i only careless with my own stuff).

i remembered everytime when i want him to buy something for me, he always says no in the 1st place but deep down i know he has a soft spot which needs a little 'manja'. well no matter how old i may be i'm still my daddy's girl wat.

Well just wanna wish my dad Happy father's day, May God bless you and that to me, you're the best dad i could ever have and that i really love you.

LOOKING BACK

Famous view in Moscow (taken in red square)

As I'm approaching the end of my 5th year here in Moscow Medical academy in Moscow Russia, somehow looking back for the 5 and half years I've been studying and staying here, there are bitter sweet memories.

Studying medicine here in Moscow was a big challenge in the beginning. When i 1st came here, i can't speak a word of Russian, the people here seems to be cold and everything seems to be hair wire, there weren't many Malaysians here that time and it was quite a tough time.

Things here are so expensive and eating out here really cost a lot. i remembered last time i do not dare to go to the market because i do not know russian and i do not know how to buy food, i always end up buying things i do not want. Sometimes the shopkeeper and I do not understand each other and that causes the shopkeeper to be frustrated and i remembered i got so much yelling from them. This is 'sloika' it's a bun with different kinda of stuffing in it. I used to eat it
almost everyday as it was one of the cheapest food or snack for lunch.

This is kotlet, it's actually meat with different stuffing (cheese,
spinach, mushroom sauce, sour cream etc.) weird but delicious one of my favourite.

This is one of the russian soup that i like 'borsh' it's healthy and yum yum

But somehow, as years goes by, things get better. I'm now attending a international church where there are many Russians that can speak english and i got to learn the language from them, as i begin to learn and speak their language, things got so much easier in communication, My lessons are mostly in English and the more i learned the more i found out that this country has a very deep base and history in medicine. And i actually find it interesting an did not regret coming here to study. This is a pic of my main university (dean office mainly) but my classes are usually
in other hospital which are located all around moscow.

Many Malaysia's doctor do comment that students studying in Russia are terrible, i do not know about other universities but in my uni, it's nothing like that. The lecturers do their best to teach us students what they know and many times it's us students ourselves who does not have the initiative to learn. Many times we complain that this lecturer does not teach well, i don understand what they are saying etc, But come on we're all Universities student, we ourselves should take the initiative to learn and read up on certain topics or disease and if we really don understand that's when our lecturers come in, instead of expecting our lecturers to spoon feed us.

Living and studying here had really been a great experience for me, beside studying, i know a bunch of good friends, group mates, room mates and block mates. I also learn how to deal with problems, stress, loneliness, depression (of course with God's help). I also learn to look at things or situation with a different perspective.

It's definitely not easy to leave home and come to a strange land, it really takes lots o courage. For those who are like me being so far away will understand how much it takes to go through all these for 6 years or more. (Dealing with home sick, missing food back home, dealing with different types of people in group and even the room or block really do gives us a different kind of experience) and i believe that once we can go through all this with the right attitude and character, we are made ready for the future awaiting for us.

A MUST WATCH SERIES: FORENSIC HEROES 2

For those who had watch forensic heroes 1, TVB is back with forensic heroes 2, currently it's till episode 13 out of 30 episodes.


Why do i say it's a must watch series? well besides of the handsome actors and beautiful actresses, this series is also about finding truth through evidence from the dead body and the surroundings. Even though I'm not a pro in this field, but i can say that there's much to learn about forensic. For those who like CSI i think this series will be of interest to you. Well for a series lover like me, if i say a series is good, it's good.

UNCERTAINTIES

Today i just finish my 2nd paper: therapy final. And once again Thank God and Praise God for what i get, He always give me more than i expected. This whole week was a tough week as many exams cramp together and i think one thing i lean most is to trust God even though i feel like giving up and lose hope.

Don't know why many uncertainties fill me mind, as I'm about to finish my 5th year, i realized that i have only one more year before i graduate and become a medical intern and then doctor. In a year time I'll really be dealing with life and death. One thing I'm really unsure of is that will i be a good doctor (good in knowledge, practical and attitude). To me, this is like no other job where it deals with non living things, what doctors are dealing is life and death, one can make a mistake and there goes the patient's life, and this is no joke. (it' scary).

No doubt i have deep passion and love for medicine, the more i study the more i like what i study, it's amazing on how human is so different from one another and why are there so many disease, the different way of diagnosing it and treating it etc, it's all so challenging and interesting. But working life is different, u have to put what u learn into real practice, what we're doing affects people's life physically and mentally and there's no room to play a fool.

But no one really seems to understand. Many thinks that i'm smart so i definitely can handle, but i don understand why everybody thinks that i know everything, it really stresses me out. i'm also someone who is learning, i don have all the answers and cure, i'm also human to worry and be anxious (even though i know that God is with me ), so hai...... ( i don even know why i'm saying this).

But one thing i know is that i really need strength and courage to deal with all these uncertainties. But looking at the future, can i see myself as a good doctor, i really don know???

BEFORE PSYCHIATRY FINAL

Me and my psychiatry class notes (tired of studying)

Well I'm currently preparing for my psychiatry final 2molo, it's really a challenge for me. Since young or i could say the reason why i came to study medicine is because i wanna be psychiatrist and i had waited to study this subject for like so long and finally i got to learn about psychiatric disorder and see different patients with mental illness.

Well no doubt this subject is really interesting but it's really tough as it has many different terms and it mainly deals with psychic disorder (sensation disorder, perception disorder, thought disorder, obsessions and compulsion disorder, will and behavior disorder, motor disorder, intellect disorder, memory disorder and other associate diseases).

The more i read or study the more i think or feel that all of us are really prone to develop any of these disorder (neuroses or psychoses). It's just that whether are we able to adapt to it or not, if not it'll be known as DIS ADAPTATION (where detachment from reality and society occur and thus we see so call people who are weird or different). There is so much to this subject that i do not know where to start, but if anyone who read this has any question on any psychiatry problem feel free to ask me ( hehe...)

Well i think i have done my best to prepare for 2molo exams. i have faith that i won't fail 2molo but i really wanna score well and get a 5 for this subject as i really like this subject, so I'll just go in faith and put my trust in God that He'll bring me through as i had done my part to do my best. For with Him all things are possible. But anyway i will still give God all the glory for whatever result i get 2molo.

MEMORIALS OF MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER

Today was a sad day, when i was in lecture this morning, i suddenly receive a sms from my mum saying that my Great grandmother has pass away, i was shocked and sad when i heard the news, my tears just came out unknowingly but i try to calm myself down and wiped off my tears as i was in the lecture hall.

Throughout the day, i was feeling sad and guilty not able to be back there to see her last face and all the memories of her just came flashing into my mind (how she took care of me when i was young; how she ask me to eat or bath but i was not able to understand fuk chow and she'll be like saying i used to be able to speak fuk chow well but now why i was not able; how i try to learn some 'fuk chow' to try to converse with her etc).

My great grandmother pass away due to an acute heart attack, and to look closely at my mother's side family medical history most of them like my grandparents and mother either have cardiovascular disease or high risk of it. And i really want to be a good doctor to be able to sort of like help them prolong life span with medicine (silly isn't it), but this was the 1st time i experienced death of someone close to me and that feeling is really ....... but somehow i believe that God will bring be through esp now exam time (need to concentrate)

All i could say that life is really short and i really think we should learn to treasure people around us, be it our families or friends. Don't ever think that it's still early or there's still time as we never know what will happen to us. So treasure everyday of our life and the people around us the way God wants us to love and care and live life to the fullest.

STRESS OUT

This month is such a tough month, not only do i have Paediatrics and psychiatry cycle, i also have a practical final and MCQ finals for paediatric on (20th and 26th May) and also psychiatry final on the 30th May, then on 2nd June i have therapy final, 6th June paediatrics oral final, 11th June Infectious disease final and 16th June surgery final.

All these subjects need to study thick textbooks, lecture notes, class notes and find extra info from internet. I really need strength and wisdom from God to go through this. But definitely i have to put in extra effort and concentration as these exams are gonna be hard, tough and nerve racking
and one thing for sure, i do not want to be the kind of person who just study to pass exam but i look for more, i study hard so that i can be a good doctor (not just with the knowledge but with a teachable heart).

Happy Mother's day

When i was young i always think that my mother loved my brother more, as she was very strict on me and she makes me do more house chores than my brother.

But then later as I grow up, when i'm in secondary school, I started to realize that she does care for me in her own mother to daughter way. I remember she makes sure we have enough money to buy our own lunch, always bear with me even when i talk back at her (as you know teenagers are rebellious), forgives me when i break her heart, buy things that i like even though after much nagging, encourage me to study medicine when i doubt that medicine will be too hard.

Then when i decided to come over to Moscow to pursue my medical studies, i realized she worries so much for me, and make sure i have the warmest jacket, blanket etc, and when we 1st parted at the airport about 5 years ago, i saw tears in her eyes that makes me cry, and from then on, I'm confirmed that my mum love me just as much as he loves my brother (she does not tell it out, but she shows it in our everyday conversation and during the yearly 2months time we spend together).

Well i just wanna thank God for blessing me with such a great mum, just wanna wish my mum HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY and that i really treasure and appreciate what you did for me. Thank You

THOUGHT DISORDER

This month I'm having paediatrics in the morning and psychiatry in the afternoon from Monday to Friday. It's a hectic and busy cycle as both these 2 subjects are difficult but they are definitely really interesting and challenging.

Today in psychiatry class we learned about thought disorder. How normally people think about certain things and also the thought of PSYCHOPATHIC PATIENT and the thought of GENIUS are actually quite similar. We also learned about many new psychiatry medical terms and there was one which is very interesting:
The disease that this particular patient has is known as paralogia (illogical thinking) combine with Symbol thinking. Paralogic thinking actually means thought that contains erroneous or strange extreme substances, whereas symbol thinking are thoughts based on great deal of symbol giving them special meaning.

Back to the patient: the patient is a male patient who thinks that he is god, creator of all life, and he thinks that his twin sister who is female (due to her as an opposite sex) is the devil as devil brings death (opposite of life is death). So the patient has this thought that he has to protect the world and by doing so he has to kill his sister (death) so that his 'sister' will not be able to bring death to the world. But then one night when he was about to kill his sister he suddenly asked himself this question:

"How unbearable the dead body will be when it's dead" and then he gave up the idea to kill his sister.

Do you find it weird? well Of course it's weird, people who is in their right mind will not think about whether will a dead body feel unbearable after it die.

Wow, when i heard that, i find it so 'geli'. I was like thinking to have these kind of thought disorder it's actually very scary and torturing, sometimes i really feel that people with mental illness are actually quite 'kasihan' as they are not able to control their illness and their thought. and i really do admired the courage of psychiatrist who are willing to make this decision to help and improve the condition of these patients.

Finally EXECISE

2 days ago, on the 1st of May (labour day), my hotspot friends (MF) and I (about 13 of us) went to the park nearby our hostel for picnic and outing. We played captain ball, volleyball, ayam dan helang, ice and water aka kejar kejar (ya kinda childish, play just for fun), ate, drank, took lots of silly photos etc. well i enjoyed a lot and it's like a stress relieving activity before my next cycle and coming finals, and right after that day, my whole body is aching as i had not been exercising for the past almost one year due to the weather, busyness, and not to mention laziness. (that's me, lazy will always be my last excuse hehe). Bollywood picture (hiding behind the trees)

Aren't we gorgeous and funny